How to Know When it’s Right to Believe Something? How Do I Slow Down My Stressed, Scattered, Restless, and Agitated Mind?
January 4th, 2023
Recent emotions: restless, agitated, stressed, the feeling that I can’t get enough done, maximizing mind, feeling of always more I could be doing to make my experience of life better. Write to feelings each day so you can come back on the reflections you have learned.
I am going to start addressing my unsolved meditations with you Dad. After all, my recent philosophy and theology push has all stemmed from finding you. The meaning of life itself. That’s what truly matters right? Or am I missing the whole point to live in the first place? To live? Is it better to not obsess over meaning and purpose? These are questions I still can’t seem to get any closer to. But as of right now, at least I am getting somewhat closer to finding you, big or small, I know at least I am going in the right direction.
Anyways, I have been really struggling with what to believe lately Dad. I don’t even know what I want to believe anymore. I just know one thing for sure, I want to find you. I know that questioning and openness is a better path than ignorance and closing myself off. Which sadly, is what most religions end up doing. Questioning belief is essential to growth. If a certain religion is truth, then they would promote this not condemn it correct? Even if I come to the same conclusion, I will be much stronger in whatever I choose to believe. But if we just continue to constantly prove ourselves wrong, what’s the point of believing anything in the first place? Just remember that questioning is better than ignorance. Do people just continue to believe what they have always believed because it is the path of least resistance? Or is asking this my ego trying to make me seem like a better person for questioning all religions?
Either way, being a good person and living for others is the bedrock of a good life. Not putting yourself before or after others. A connecting with all beings and treating them as complete equals. Simply be mindful and keep others in your mind as much as you keep yourself in mind. Let me repeat for myself, keep others in your mind just as much as you keep yourself in mind… Woah. That is a crazy realization. Our soul is no more important than another. We are not special individually compared to other beings. All beings are special collectively. Everyone is the center of their own universe, which is where they get caught. It’s not that they disregard other people, their thoughts just revolve more on themselves than an equal balance of other people. Is this the key to life within the psyche? It seems more probable… that both should be shared equally and seen without separation. This is nonduality. Is this the right path?
Continue to learn about religions and theology.
No belief is safe. Eventually, you will lean towards a conclusion. But you will never know until you actually die. My struggle with this is my nonacceptance. I must accept no one will ever know on earth what happens after death because only the dead can know. I will never know truly know where you are Dad until I die. But I can get closer to the unsolvable correct? I just will never have full certainty. No one ever will. I must accept this to let go of my recent struggle. Let go of knowing the full answer after death. You never will have a full answer. Why do humans need to know this conceptualization so badly? Do we need to know what happens after death? Because it gives meaning to our life. But if we know that we will never truly know, what’s the point? Is searching for the meaning of life the right path? Why do I need to find meaning in everything? Is it the right thing to do? Many questions for another time…
On another side note, a representation of my scattered stressed mind lately, I have had constant thoughts of maximizing. It seems maximizing every situation in my life has become a deeply ingrained habit in my psyche. It is extremely difficult for me to stay on one topic to the next. My brain always convinces me that there is always something better to do or that could’ve been done better. Which there is, but that will always be true no matter what choice I make. So what’s the best way of going about stopping this deeply engrained form of thinking? How do I change this way of thinking into helpful thought response habits? I think the best option is pre-determining a chunk of time and only choosing one thing to do. Until you finish, or you think you won’t come back and ever do this task again. I think this is a great task to live by since I will always be wrong. But at least choosing one thing is less wrong than trying to choose all things. This seems to be a more probable answer because this is how flow can be achieved. Flow can’t be achieved in a short span of time. Flow is optimal concentration and focus. Completely absorbed by the task at hand. Completely present in the love of the process itself. I don’t know the exact science, but it takes me personally around 30 minutes to get into a state of flow. Once I am in this state, I can feel my maximizing mind washing away. From now on, never work. I vow to never work a day in my life. I will only be taking the action for the love of doing it. Don’t ever take an action that’s dominated by the outcome. The love of the process itself must supersede the desire of the outcome. If it does not, stop doing it immediately. I have to determine my chunk time for it until it is finished or I don’t think I will ever come back to it. This will allow flow. Always choose flow over trying to get a lot of things done. Flow is why one everything at a time will always be the answer. It enhances the present and the future. Also ask yourself if someone else could be doing what you are doing right now, or if you could be doing your current action at a smarter time throughout your day.
You can even see the rapidly changing thoughts within this simple letter to you. I know that thoughts aren’t real, and I know that my thoughts don’t control me unless I let them. Thoughts only have power over us when we aren’t mindful. Remember, if you are suffering, you aren’t being mindful even if you think you are. Thoughts only have power when there is no se-er (The Witness). But why is it we continue to struggle with the same problems in our life over and over? Even when we feel like we have awakened to the issue, old problems still come back. Then, I answer these old problems with the same answer I did previously. So why do they come back? Have I just not made the solution a strong enough habit? Or is the solution itself wrong? Can you have a correct solution if it doesn’t work? Or has simply not enough work been put into the solution? I forget that I came to the solution of a stressed state of mind to just write. I wanted to avoid this by trying to get more done with my time. Stressed? Always write. I can already feel the calm washing over me as I dump my thoughts in an organized matter. Do your best to make this thought response habit whenever you feel restless, agitated, or stressed. So it seems that writing as a response to stress is the right answer, yet it just hasn’t been made a strong enough response habit. So if you ever feel yourself running into the same problem… either the answer is wrong, or it hasn’t been made a strong enough response habit.
It also helps to remember that struggle is nonacceptance.
Is this always the case? Does nonacceptance always have to equal struggle? If struggle is always nonacceptance, what am I struggling to accept when in the maximizing mind? The deeper cause of this maximizing mind is my relationship with time. I subtly believe with this poor relationship that I will be able to get everything done that I want to. The doing is endless. Remember that there is always more to do. Is this the key? Only doing “doing” when it is paired with “being”? Never do “doing” when it is by itself? This would represent the outcome being predominant? This means in turn we would then be wishing time away because the outcome is all that matters. We are in, “get through,” mode. This means we aren’t present. We can’t be happy unless we are present, because the present is the only thing that is real. Remember that we are trying to get to the outcome in the first place because we think the outcome will give us what we are looking for… We can’t get anything that we are looking for without the present! Remember this.
There will always be more to do.
Only do what you want or calls to you. Not calling to you for work, but calling to you for what you truly enjoy. Only ever take action for the love of action. Never ever do a task simply for an outcome or what it will bring you. If you don’t enjoy the current task, stop. Only take action for the love of it. The biggest thing I am refusing to accept is that I will never learn everything I want to learn, I will never accomplish all of the things I want to accomplish, and I will never reach my full potential. I will never be a perfect person, this is why I can never reach my full potential. Even though this means it wasn’t potential in the first place? But if we can always do a little more? Then the potential would be endless until it reaches perfection? Which isn’t possible? So maybe it’s easier to say I will never truly reach the best version of myself. But I can get closer. I will always come back to stress or sadness at some point. (My kryptonite of emotions) That’s the biggest nonacceptance. I will ALWAYS come back to stress or sadness at some point. No matter how much I learn or how enlightened I am, I will never be free from these. Is learning more about enlightenment making me feel that this isn’t true? And is that exactly why I have been struggling? I can be wrong though? So when will I know when it’s right to believe that not to be the truth? Everything I think could be wrong? So when is the line crossed for knowing that is wrong? I won’t know until it comes to it? It seems these questions are in a loop that can’t be answered. As of now, I will conclude it is best to accept I will always come back to stress and sadness at some point. Until nonduality is possibly reached. But I am nowhere near this. So accept you will see a lot of sadness and stress coming into your life. But this is OKAY! This shows nonresistance paired with acceptance, stopping the suffering in the first place. Letting all emotions in. Being water. Letting life flow.
I love and miss you, Dad. I know I am all over the place, but my biggest realizations after talking with you today are below. Until next time, best friend.
Love your son,
Biggest realizations from this daily writing:
- Keep others in your mind just as much as you keep yourself in mind… Woah.
- I must accept no one will ever know on earth what happens after death because only the dead can know. I will never know truly know where you are Dad until I die.
- The love of the process itself must supersede the desire of the outcome.
- Flow = completely present in the love of the process itself.
- Flow is why one everything at a time will always be the answer. It enhances the present and the future always.
- Always choose flow over trying to get a lot of things done.
- Remember, if you are suffering, you aren’t being mindful even if you think you are.
- Thoughts only have power when there is no se-er (The Witness).
- I forget that I came to the solution of a stressed state of mind to just write. Make this a thought response habit.
- So it seems that writing as a response to stress is the right answer, yet it just hasn’t been made a strong enough response habit. So if you ever feel yourself running into the same problem… either the answer is wrong, or it hasn’t been made a strong enough of a response habit.
- I will never truly reach the best version of myself.
- As of now, I will conclude it is best to accept I will always come back to stress and sadness at some point. Until nonduality is possibly reached. But I am nowhere near this. So accept you will see a lot of sadness and stress coming into your life. But this is OKAY! This shows nonresistance paired with acceptance, stopping the suffering in the first place.
- We can’t be happy unless we are present, because the present is the only thing that is real.
- We can’t get anything that we are looking for without the present!